Alter the Ending (Part 1)

I've always found the time between Christmas and New Years a little disconcerting.  In my experience,  there's too much and not enough to do, all at the same time.  There is, of course, this eagerness to celebrate with family (my dad's birthday is xmas) and enjoy the wine/food/naps/jokes/games/laughs that come with these gatherings.  Yet, year after year, I find myself eager to wrap this one up and ready to ring in a new day, a new beginning, another chance to be a better version of myself.

Even with Cameron, this year is no different.  Having him does bring a whole new level of joy to the holiday season (well, really to life in general).  The kid made out like a bandit - we have one of every toy from Santa's workshop in our house.  His favorite so far is a pair of little wooden maracas that Santa (daddy) picked out.  It is too cute to watch him shake his little chubby fist as he plays with them. 

The day after Christmas, I find myself thinking about resolutions - what will I do in the new year that's different from the last?  In 2010, I made three resolutions (in no particular order):

• No texting while driving
• Make & bring my lunch to work 3 times a week
• After the baby comes, work out 3 times a week

I guess you could say all of my resolutions reflected "healthy" behaviors.  How did I do?  While I try to stick to stoplights and before/after parking (and NEVER with anyone with me), I do still text in the car.  I wasn't particularly good at #2 & 3 until after the heart attack, when they stopped being options and started being part of my new normal.  So happily, at the end of 2011, I can say I kept 2 of my 3 resolutions. 

2011 has been the best year of my life.  Definitely not the easiest or most fun, probably the hardest and most frustrating.... but "best" is the most fitting word.  I gave birth to my healthy beautiful son and I survived (not suffered) a SCAD/heart attack.  I've surprised myself with things I never knew I was capable of.  My relationship with my husband has evolved as we discover a new identity as parents.  The kindness and generosity that friends, family and acquaintances have shared with me this year literally brings a smile to my face when I think about it.

During this in-between time, I can't help but think of what 2012 means -  the end to the best year of my life and all the opportunity and possibility of another new year.  My 8 year old cousin has high hopes for 2012.  When making her Christmas wish (her sister, 7, wished for more love in the world), she wrote: "I wish my cousin never has another heart attack."  What a lucky girl, that her Christmas wish will come true :)  With this end/beginning looming ahead, I tiptoe hopefully in the direction that 2012, full of joy, anticipation and my own wishes-to-come-true.

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." 
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." - Winston Churchill