Getting back to "real" life

First, must brag about my baby:

Cameron is three months (argh, where do the days go?!)!  He is increasingly aware of his surroundings and has the most curious facial expressions.  He stays busy staring at his reflection, the ceiling fan,  light shining in a window and sometimes even notices my laptop.  He LOVES getting a bath and giggles a bit when he pees in the water.  About a week ago, he started sleeping through the night.  I remember waking up to silence in the house.  As the sleepiness lifted, I immediately began to freak out - if the baby isn't awake, he MUST HAVE STOPPED BREATHING.  I rushed down the hall into his room and held my blackberry up to his face. Sigh of relief... still breathing.  He'd slept for about 9 hours.  And then a strange feeling - THIS is what it feels like to be well rested.  Not since early in my second trimester did I remember sleeping like that!  Now, if Cam wakes up before Brian and I, we know to deposit him in his swing and right back to sleep he goes until breakfast time.  On a separate note, he also loves bearing weight on his legs and I'm beginning to think he'll walk before he rolls over, crawls or sits up.  Finally, he loves blowing spit bubbles (razzing).  This perplexes Mowgli, our Westie, who is not used to the slurping sound and cocks his head at Cameron every time he razzes.  He promptly attempts to lick the slobber off Cameron's face, to my dismay! 

Cam and my friend Katy, visiting from Iowa

We had been snuggling while listening to the rain fall...someone decided to sleep in!

Moving on:

I have been slowly easing my way back into the "real" world.  I stopped at a cafe near my office for a cup of coffee one morning last week. I was eager to catch up with the baristas and show off pictures of Cam.  While I was waiting in line, I noticed their breakfast display - piles of sugary croissants, muffins, donuts and assorted pastries, some of which appeared to be deep fried (really? for breakfast?!).  For some time now, I've missed all the foods I'm not supposed to eat while practicing a heart healthy diet.  Staring with horror at the pastries, I realized that I couldn't fathom taking a bite of any of them, let alone consuming a whole one on my own.  Old Rachel wouldn't have eaten them either, but while I was pregnant, I did celebrate "Donut Fridays".  You get the idea.  However, it appears the "heart healthy" diet is becoming less of a diet and more of a lifestyle. 

I'm about a month in to the Cardiac Rehab program and have been cleared to workout on my own once a week.  Today I went to my old gym for the first time in months.  I stopped working out in my third trimester, not because it was uncomfortable, but because there was SO much ice outside that I really didn't want to slip and hurt myself or Cam. I set the heart rate monitor on the elliptical machine and got to it.  I was desperately hoping that nothing bad would happen while I was there (no monitors, no blood pressure checks, no nurses!) and nothing did.  Happily :).  On my way out, I ran into one of my favorite trainers and of course, had to fill her in everything.  I'm beginning to realize the awkwardness to come as I get back to normal life - that is, of having to explain to random people, acquaintances, and passerbys the whole "had a baby, had a heart attack thing."  It's sort of hard not to talk about one without the other, even though I could blather on for hours about my sweet son.  At a friend's birthday party this weekend, I tried desperately to avoid discussing the heart attack (and eating the pizza rolls and sucking down the sugary jello shots.  Unlike the pastries, both of those looked REAL good).  Instead, I called it a complication.  OY, big mistake.  When people hear "complication", they think something's wrong with the baby.  When I explain that he's fine, I get a curious look of "well, what happened?!" and there's no casual way to say "Oh, I had a heart attack."  In fact, there's been two times where, in preparation for meetings, I've referred people to my blog, so they can get the story and know I'm fine.  One of them clearly read it and one of them clearly didn't.  That meeting was a little strange:

Acquaintance: OMG, your blog is great. 
Me: Oh, thanks.  Did you like a particular post?
Acquaintance: Oh, they're all great. Sounds like motherhood has been easy-breezy.
Me: Well, it has been a little crazy.
Acquaintance: Oh really?  What makes you say that?

And you can imagine how the rest of that appointment went....

I should say that I contemplated not talking about it, but then it sort of feels like I'm hiding something or like I'm guilty of something.  Talking about my experience and being honest with friends and family continues to help me accept what's happened.  And, if my experience makes anyone think twice about the life they want to live vs. the life they are living, then I should continue to share my journey. 

One more thing - if you have a sweet tooth, try my foolproof summer treat:  Sprinkle 1/2 a cup of lowfat vanilla ice cream with cinnamon and honey.  If you feel moved to, throw in some slivered almonds and chopped seasonal fruit (berries, bananas, etc).  Pretty much guilt free, heart healthy and delicious!!!

"Summer is the time when one sheds one's tensions with one's clothes, and the right kind of day is jeweled balm for the battered spirit.  A few of those days and you can become drunk with the belief that all's right with the world."  ~Ada Louise Huxtable